The law of reciprocity in self care

The law of reciprocity in self care

by | Mar 4, 2026 | Changing the story, Ignite your sparkle

What you give to your body is what your body gives back to you.

In both psychology and neuroscience, the law of reciprocity teaches us that our inner attitude and how we behave toward our bodies and ourselves is reflected back to us by our bodies by creating a feedback loop between our behavior and our biological well-being.

If you are often hard on your body, speak harshly to it, neglect its needs, or if you lack understanding of your body´s way and force it beyond its capacity, Your body can respond to this with tension, stiffness, contraction or fatigue, to name but a few sensations.

When this is a recurring pattern, it may even happen that the increase in intensity exceeds the bandwidth of your nervous system and body to digest life. resulting in your system becoming stuck in its defense mechanism. Your body may respond by becoming chronically tense, which can lead to hypervigilant attention habits, a limited ability to process life, anxiety, physical tension, constriction, gut stress, and low energy levels.

Why?

This response of your system has a direct effect on how it interprets signals from your external environment. Your movements are connected to your sensory perception and your interaction with your environment.

We are often unaware that we are acting out of tune with the subtle needs and desires of our biology. Many of us learned from a very young age that it is normal to force ourselves to do more than our body and nervous system can handle. We have learned not to live in harmony with our body and its rhythms by controlling and forcing it. We have learned that our body’s reaction to our demands is a fault of our body. We have learned to silence those body’s messages through quick fixes and external interventions. This behavior often leads to ways of holding ourselves, moving, expressing, breathing, or eating that are not in alignment with the nature and needs of our bodies.

And that is where the law of reciprocity can teach us to make a different move.  The law says that when you use effort, friction, and force to make your body do something against its will, your biology and nervous system respond with equal friction, tension, contraction, and an increasing intensity of negative sensations, emotions, images, and thought streams. On the other hand, when you follow your body’s way and attune to its needs, your body and nervous system respond with a corresponding expansion, pleasant sensations and emotions, growth, ease, and fluidity.

And the needs of your body and nervous system are very down-to-earth. They need ongoing sensory contact with the outside world, and a reciprocal relationship with gravity. They need to follow their natural pace and rhythm. They need energy-efficient ways to go through life, which translates into sufficient rest, calm eating and digestion, and efficient, effortless movements, guided by feelings of ease, pleasure, and flow.

Would you like to bring more ease, pleasure, and flow back into your body and life?

All my neuro-somatic retreats are designed to help you reconnect with the needs and desires of your system and experience a lasting sense of wholeness and well-being.

Mirror, mirror on the wall 

Mirror, mirror on the wall 

by | Mar 4, 2026 | Body Intelligence, Changing the story, Nervous System Health

Your body reflects your beliefs and images about yourself and the world.

The law of reciprocity, the social principle whereby an action is repaid in kind, also exists internally between our mind and body. The body mirrors the way we treat it, how we care for it, and how we think about ourselves through specialized brain cells called mirror neurons. Those neurons fire when we perform an action related to ourselves or our environment, and when we observe someone else´s action. They connect action to sensation and emotion, the language of your biology. Your brain does not distinguish between someone else’s actions and your own actions. Your brain ‘mirrors’ those actions as if they come from a force outside yourself.

If you are often hard on your body, speak harsh words to yourself, neglect the needs of your body and soul, or if you do not understand your body’s way and overburden it, your mirror neurons mimic that stress.
On the other hand, being kind to your body through care, appreciation, good nutrition, compassionate thoughts, and moving in tune with your body’s natural pace, rhythm, and capacity can create a “mirror” that reflects a self-organizing system that radiates joy, vitality, inner peace, self-confidence, and self-compassion.

Here is the thing. We are often unaware that we are unkind to our bodies and behave in ways that are not in tune with them. We have unconscious beliefs and expectations, embedded in our culture, that we have grown up with and that have conditioned us not only in how and who we have to be but also in how we use and perceive our bodies and their rich language of emotions, sensations, and movement.  We may have internalised cultural beliefs that we are not good enough, that we must prove our worth by working hard, sacrificing our needs for others, dimming our light, or suppressing undesired emotions. Our body keeps that score. And here is the catch. This internal cycle of expectations and perceptions in your brain defines selfhood. How you “see” yourself in your mind determines how your body tries to look and organise itself to match your mental image.

What do you tell yourself?

Would you like to move those inner stories that are not serving your body and life?

My 7 Day dance healing retreat “Reclaim your Inner Freedom” is designed to help you move those stories that dim your sparkle and experience a lasting sense of wholeness and well-being again.

Renew your self-image to match who you really are?

Renew your self-image to match who you really are?

by | Feb 26, 2025 | Blog, Changing the story, Ignite your sparkle

Very early on, our brains create an image of ourselves that has its roots in our earliest life experiences. Our brain uses this self-image as a kind of roadmap to predict who we should be and how we should be in relationship to our environment, and others. This self-image directs how we move, talk, think, feel, and perceive ourselves in the world. It drives our behavior and relationships, and it shapes our model of the world.

As toddlers, we learned by trial and error what was safe to feel and express in order to receive love from our caregivers. We learned to suppress certain sensations and copy certain behaviors for fear of rejection. In other words, we learn early on who, how, and what we need to be to belong and be safe.

A self-image is a complex composition of image, movement, emotion, sensation, and perception. Depending on how it sees us in the world, it forms attentional habits that then act as a filter, a kind of glasses, distorting all our perceptions, images, emotions, thoughts, and sensations. And all those perceptions, emotions, thoughts, and sensations inform our neuro-biology about what the world inside and around us is like.

So you could say that our self-image colors our inner experience and our perception of the outside world. If this keeps repeating itself, it creates patterns in our neurobiology that in turn affect our lives, relationships, and well-being.

Suppose you have a negative self-image…This can become an endlessly repeating circle that culminates in hypervigilant attention habits that revolve around what is wrong and constantly reinforce our negative experiences. Resulting in our neuro-biology running survival programs that deplete our body systems of energy. We might not feel very well in our skin all-together which in turn reinforces our negative self-image. An endless circle…

How can you create a new self-image that matches who you really are in the heart of your being?

Our body tells our story. It’s like a history book. The way she stands, sits, moves, dances, and expresses inner movement. They are all expressions of how we are in the world and how we are in relationship with ourselves, and others. They also reveal how our nervous system has organized itself based on our self-image.

Our body also knows the way out of a negative self-image. That is out of neurobiological survival patterns rooted in negative attention habits. If we only dare to trust her and entrust us to her guidance, she will show us how to write a new story. A new story through the physical senses and how she receives the environment through them.

When we put our minds in the passenger seat and enjoy the ride of the eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and skin, we experience the world as it is. A world that is not necessarily about us. It’s neutral and it helps our brains map themselves into the here and now that isn’t colored by the attentional habits of our self-image. It gives our brain an accurate world map of the moment.

Our brain has the task of mapping out a route to the next moment that is as energy-saving, enjoyable, and pleasant as possible. This means that the brain makes a prediction and a strategy to face the future, the next moment. Our biology and body systems then use this information to do their magic. You can imagine that the uncolored objective reality of our senses provides a better roadmap for that route than the colored subjective negative world map created by the self-image.

And in time with the real-time roadmap of the senses and the updated strategies of our brain, our genius system starts to form a new self-image that is rooted in the here-and-now story of how we belong and are embedded in the greater web of life.

And then the circle starts again. Attention habits form that inform our biology which in turn informs us through how we move, feel, sense, give meaning, dream, and envision. Only this time the attention habits tell us about what is, and reflect our nature back to us by what we receive from the present world around us. And those will be messages of beauty, goodness, kindness, and ease that recalibrate our inner compass to our inner sparkle, to genuine well-being, and authenticity

And to have again an inner compass that guides us to our inner sparkle, to our north star, to the essence of who we are… That is what I wish for us all.

Moving out of habits of perfection

Moving out of habits of perfection

by | May 11, 2024 | Blog, Body Intelligence, Changing the story, Nervous System Health, Somatic Awareness, Somatic Wisdom

Last week during the retreat as we were exploring our senses through our animal body and dancing with its emotions of grief, anger, and pleasure, we came to speak about the habit of perfection, the hurt and wounding underneath, and how it has influenced how many of us can be so hard and demanding on ourselves, and lack the self-compassion to give loving attention and care to our bodies and sensations. As a result, we miss out on many valuable sensations, sparks of sensory wisdom, and a sense of natural time and rhythm.

Many of us live with a stressed, deprived nervous system, and chronic holding patterns in the body that cause hypersensitivity, and lack of energy, and also make us feel less animated or flatten everyday pleasurable and joyful sensations and emotions.

I believe the most important part of healing your soul is finding your way back to sensing in the here and now. Allowing your sentient animal eyes, ears, sense of smell, taste, and touch to curiously scan their natural living environment, feel its beauty and magic in every cell of your being, and receive its nourishment for your nervous system and body.

For in order to heal your system of body, mind, soul, and inner spirit and soothe the stricken animal within, your nervous system needs to connect with and map into its present sensuous environment where it can tune into the soothing ebb and flow-like greater natural movement and rhythm of the earth and cosmos.
This gradually and in small reversible steps changes your perception and your physical-emotional holding patterns and steadily guides you into your sacred essence….

I have read Marion Woodman´s ‘Addiction to Perfection’ a few times and Marian Woodman puts it beautifully. I quote Marion Woodman:

“First, I believe that femininity is taking responsibility for our bodies, so that the body becomes the tangible expression of the spirit within.
For those of us who have lived life in the head, this is a long, difficult and agonizing process, because in attempting to release our muscles, we also release the pent-up fear and rage and grief that has been buried there, probably since or before birth .
Within ourselves we find a stricken animal almost dead from starvation and mistreatment. Because it has been punished for long, it acts at first like a wild neurotic creature that hasn’t known love. But gradually it becomes our friend, and because it understands the instincts better than we, it becomes our guide to a natural, spiritual way of life.
To find the natural rhythms of our bodies, to walk, to see, to hear, to feel with renewed sensitivity and perception, is to return to our birthright which is our gift from the Goddess” Marion Woodman | ‘Addiction to Perfection’

Because the relationship with our bodies is such an important and permanent one in our lives, I feel that creating a beautiful relationship with our wise bodies is a must in order to feel alive, and able to manifest our greatest, most exquisite soul desires and dreams.

Are you seeking to connect deeper with your body and feel better in your skin?

I offer ongoing retreats to help women with

  • finding their way back to sensing themselves in the here-and-now
  • changing constricting perception habits
  • change painful physical-emotional holding patterns in the body
  • align with their sacred essence, inner wisdom, joy and sensuality
  • build a loving relationship with their wise bodies
  • create beauty with who they are and what they have

You can check out my retreats via Bookretreats.com

 

 

The sound of you

The sound of you

by | Dec 28, 2023 | Blog, Body Intelligence, Changing the story, Movement as Medicine, Somatic Wisdom

Sound is our channel for expression. It is the energy of vibration and has the potential to heal and open the spaces in ourselves energetically and physically. It eases our breathing, and softens tight places in the chest and back. Therefore sound is an important element of the sixth chakra; the throat chakra.

When we are at ease with our voice and sound and we speak with clarity and confidence, the energy of this chakra can flow optimally. This keeps our throat, mouth, thyroid, neck, ears, cavities of belly, face, and chest in good health.

We heal and balance our throat chakra when we speak our truth, communicate kindly and non violently yet with clarity. When we are able to listen attentively and receive through our listening. And last but not least when we speak kindly and compassionate to and about ourselves. A balanced throat chakra is a must for our spontaneous expressive energy to flow freely and nourish us with joyous vibrancy and meaningful connections with others.

For as long as I remember, I have been shy and anxious to speak out loud, speak my truth, show myself through my voice.   I would hide in myself as soon as the fire reached my cheeks in a turbulent red. Ever so now and then I still feel panic and blockage when it comes to finding words and sharing my thoughts and feelings through them.

Old wounds as so to speak. It took me some time to realize that blocking my voice caused the tightness I sensed in my chest and upper belly and my shallow breathing and states of anxiety and emotional tension. It even touched upon my digestive system. My journey to get to know my voice and free her started during the Feldenkrais training I took and led me to dance, sing and lament, to NLP, and voice and breathwork.

Fast forward, I now go live on Facebook in a language that is not even my mother tongue. I voice my thoughts and ideas. Daily I get to listen to my voice and the words I choose when I offer Feldenkrais somatic movement play, and Somatic movement creativity online. I celebrate this new step with joy, more confidence, more breath, and resonant spaces in my chest, belly, and bones. And certainly more courage to authentically dance play myself into the light and help other people to step into theirs.

In 2021 I offered a miniseries to free the body’s sound system in my former FB group. People told me how much they had enjoyed exploring their body’s sound system, expanding their potential for more ease, range, and freedom in expressing and breathing, and to give a voice to their trapped emotions and the beliefs they were holding about their voice and self-image. And how they felt more of themselves.

Do you want to embrace more of you? I now offer the free mini-series ‘The Sound of You’ on my YouTube channel