The law of reciprocity in self care

The law of reciprocity in self care

What you give to your body is what your body gives back to you.

In both psychology and neuroscience, the law of reciprocity teaches us that our inner attitude and how we behave toward our bodies and ourselves is reflected back to us by our bodies by creating a feedback loop between our behavior and our biological well-being.

If you are often hard on your body, speak harshly to it, neglect its needs, or if you lack understanding of your body´s way and force it beyond its capacity, Your body can respond to this with tension, stiffness, contraction or fatigue, to name but a few sensations.

When this is a recurring pattern, it may even happen that the increase in intensity exceeds the bandwidth of your nervous system and body to digest life. resulting in your system becoming stuck in its defense mechanism. Your body may respond by becoming chronically tense, which can lead to hypervigilant attention habits, a limited ability to process life, anxiety, physical tension, constriction, gut stress, and low energy levels.

Why?

This response of your system has a direct effect on how it interprets signals from your external environment. Your movements are connected to your sensory perception and your interaction with your environment.

We are often unaware that we are acting out of tune with the subtle needs and desires of our biology. Many of us learned from a very young age that it is normal to force ourselves to do more than our body and nervous system can handle. We have learned not to live in harmony with our body and its rhythms by controlling and forcing it. We have learned that our body's reaction to our demands is a fault of our body. We have learned to silence those body's messages through quick fixes and external interventions. This behavior often leads to ways of holding ourselves, moving, expressing, breathing, or eating that are not in alignment with the nature and needs of our bodies.

And that is where the law of reciprocity can teach us to make a different move.  The law says that when you use effort, friction, and force to make your body do something against its will, your biology and nervous system respond with equal friction, tension, contraction, and an increasing intensity of negative sensations, emotions, images, and thought streams. On the other hand, when you follow your body's way and attune to its needs, your body and nervous system respond with a corresponding expansion, pleasant sensations and emotions, growth, ease, and fluidity.

And the needs of your body and nervous system are very down-to-earth. They need ongoing sensory contact with the outside world, and a reciprocal relationship with gravity. They need to follow their natural pace and rhythm. They need energy-efficient ways to go through life, which translates into sufficient rest, calm eating and digestion, and efficient, effortless movements, guided by feelings of ease, pleasure, and flow.

Would you like to bring more ease, pleasure, and flow back into your body and life?

All my neuro-somatic retreats are designed to help you reconnect with the needs and desires of your system and experience a lasting sense of wholeness and well-being.

Mirror, mirror on the wall 

Mirror, mirror on the wall 

Your body reflects your beliefs and images about yourself and the world.

The law of reciprocity, the social principle whereby an action is repaid in kind, also exists internally between our mind and body. The body mirrors the way we treat it, how we care for it, and how we think about ourselves through specialized brain cells called mirror neurons. Those neurons fire when we perform an action related to ourselves or our environment, and when we observe someone else´s action. They connect action to sensation and emotion, the language of your biology. Your brain does not distinguish between someone else's actions and your own actions. Your brain ‘mirrors’ those actions as if they come from a force outside yourself.

If you are often hard on your body, speak harsh words to yourself, neglect the needs of your body and soul, or if you do not understand your body's way and overburden it, your mirror neurons mimic that stress.
On the other hand, being kind to your body through care, appreciation, good nutrition, compassionate thoughts, and moving in tune with your body's natural pace, rhythm, and capacity can create a “mirror” that reflects a self-organizing system that radiates joy, vitality, inner peace, self-confidence, and self-compassion.

Here is the thing. We are often unaware that we are unkind to our bodies and behave in ways that are not in tune with them. We have unconscious beliefs and expectations, embedded in our culture, that we have grown up with and that have conditioned us not only in how and who we have to be but also in how we use and perceive our bodies and their rich language of emotions, sensations, and movement.  We may have internalised cultural beliefs that we are not good enough, that we must prove our worth by working hard, sacrificing our needs for others, dimming our light, or suppressing undesired emotions. Our body keeps that score. And here is the catch. This internal cycle of expectations and perceptions in your brain defines selfhood. How you “see” yourself in your mind determines how your body tries to look and organise itself to match your mental image.

What do you tell yourself?

Would you like to move those inner stories that are not serving your body and life?

My 7 Day dance healing retreat "Reclaim your Inner Freedom" is designed to help you move those stories that dim your sparkle and experience a lasting sense of wholeness and well-being again.

Reclaim your self-wise: your own Wise

Reclaim your self-wise: your own Wise

´Self-wise, or own-wise; a word that can be interpreted in many ways.

As a child, I was often told, “Don't be so self-wise!” when I did something my own way, differently from how my parents or teachers would have done it. Especially when my way of experimenting showed me how not to do something. Over the years, I silenced my inner ´Self Wise` voice to be the girl who didn't make mistakes and lived up to the expectations of those around me.

By the time I was on my own feet, I had no idea what I really wanted or needed, let alone knowing my deeper why and meaning in life. I had become reactive instead of responsive. It resulted in feeling empty, uncertain, self-doubting, and meaningless.
I went through life with emotional stress and often had tense and tight muscles and a chronic condition of IBS with no apparent medical cause. Doctors called it psychosomatic. These symptoms disappeared when I welcomed my Self Wise back and began to relax into living my own life, on my terms.

Self- wise... what a beautiful and powerful word that is when you think about it more deeply. Our very own inner wisdom, our own way, our own style, our own inner knowing, our own perception of the world, our own body telling us what we need emotionally and physically, our own truth, our own unique connection to spirituality, collective wisdom, and consciousness...

Our ´Self Wise` is intelligent and complex; I see it as an ingenious interweaving of our neurobiology, our body, our soul, our mind, and our spirit. Our ´Self Wise` awakens in the seed of our life. The moment we enter into a relationship with all layers of life in and around us. It learns to express itself through its interaction with its physical environment and the force field around it (e.g., gravity, upward forces, and pressure).

The first self-expression of our ´Self Wise` is movement.

Through movement, we learn about ourselves and the world in our first months and years, and we make our first contacts with other people and beings. Our first explorations of movement help our own ´Wise´ to learn about life. It acquires the basic sensational, emotional wisdom to set its inner compass to growth and vitality. It learns how to organize itself neurobiologically to create sustainable, thriving relationships in the complex system of cells, bones, joints, connective tissue, muscles, and organs. Neurobiology as a mirror for the system of body, soul, mind, and spirit that works together in harmony with each other, embedded in the greater environment of which it is an intrinsic part. We notice this, for example, because movement feels effortless, enjoyable, and fluid, and we feel deeply alive, connected, and energetic. We experience a felt sense of meaning in life.

The core patterns that emerge from these first explorations of movement with the force field around us and within, also form the basis for the further development of our brain, mind, emotional-social behavior, and deeper self-expression.

Without our ´Self Wise´, we lack our compass for life

Then things happen in our lives that hurt us physically or emotionally. And these experiences influence the basic layout we lay in the early years of our lives. One of those experiences is the encounter of our ´Self Wise` with society, our caregivers, and teachers. For many people, that felt like an unpleasant and 'self-confidence undermining' clash. The first moment we begin to doubt our ´Self Wise`.

Our society is not a nurturing place for our own Wise. Many people have already silenced their own Wise by the time they get out of elementary school.

Many of us gradually put our well-being in the hands of others who tell us how to move, think, or feel. Many people let others tell them what to do with their lives. Many people depend on others to know what is good for them. How they should answer their needs, how they should look, what is expected of them, how they should behave, and express themselves to belong and be successful by society's standards. I was there too.

Our ´Self Wise` shows us the way to our own path, our soul’s purpose, our own way, our own signature in expression and movement, our own meaning, our own needs, and our own why.

Moving through life without our ´Self Wise´ is like sailing a boat without a rudder.

It is therefore not surprising that so many people are experiencing fear, uncertainty, and doubt. For many, the body has become a place of emptiness, discomfort, pain, and tension.
Many people feel lost within themselves, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. Being truly yourself is a difficult challenge in this society, when it should actually be completely natural.

Our ´Self Wise´ knows how to dance through life and with life; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It has the talent to perceive the world from the heart, to nurture itself with the beauty inside and outside, and to live passionately. To tap into the wisdom that our far ancestors already had about life. Wisdom about ourselves that can't be found in books. Wisdom about ourselves that we only unlock when we start to perceive and feel life in ourselves and around us again. Wisdom about how to heal, blossom, and grow.

The wisdom that we can access again when we stop pigeonholing the body, mind, soul, and spirit and instead think in wholeness, relationship, and connection. And that connection resides in our embodied self, which is always in a lively exchange with all life and energy around it.

The body breathes our spirit and expresses our soul. And for these reasons, it is so important to come home to your body and embrace and befriend your Self Wise again.

The somatic movement adventures in my retreats will give you the space to discover yourself again, trust your own way again, and put yourself at the helm of your life. So that you can move confidently and passionated in your skin again.

Testimonial by Monica

Wonderful Blend of Somatic Practice, Relaxation, Community, and Nature

I recently attended a somatic movement retreat with Pingel in Spain, and it was an absolutely beautiful experience.

From the moment I arrived, I felt welcomed into her warm and inspiring space. She and her husband Peter live in a lovely house surrounded by a peaceful garden full of life, with cats and two sweet dogs who added an extra sense of homeliness and joy.

Pingel is a truly gifted facilitator—full of energy, kindness, and deep knowledge. Her guidance made me feel safe to explore movement, release tension, and reconnect with myself in ways I didn’t expect. Each session felt nourishing, insightful, and transformative.

A special mention also goes to Peter, who cooked the most delicious meals for us throughout the retreat. The food was made with so much care, and it really supported the sense of comfort and restoration that the retreat offered.

Overall, the retreat was a wonderful blend of somatic practice, relaxation, community, and nature. I left feeling more open, motivated, and emotionally clear. I can wholeheartedly recommend Pingel’s retreat to anyone who is curious about somatic movement, looking for healing, or simply wishing to reconnect with themselves in a safe and supportive environment.

Monica Findley
Scotland, UK

Testimonial by Debi

I Am Deeply Thankful for this Experience!

I had panic attacks and felt stuck, and have chronic pain issues.

I love to move and knew that that kind of somatic dance work would fit best for me, and it did.

Found new perspectives. Tools to listen to my body and set some boundaries. It feels like I am now finally on the way to showing myself and getting to really know myself.

Pingel is absolutely professional and very creative. The somatic sessions were always very well prepared and structured, and I felt so safe with her. Her wisdom and guidance helped me a lot.

Debi Kiener
Switzerland