Reclaim your self-wise: your own Wise

Reclaim your self-wise: your own Wise

´Self-wise, or own-wise; a word that can be interpreted in many ways.

As a child, I was often told, “Don’t be so self-wise!” when I did something my own way, differently from how my parents or teachers would have done it. Especially when my way of experimenting showed me how not to do something. Over the years, I silenced my inner ´Self Wise` voice to be the girl who didn’t make mistakes and lived up to the expectations of those around me.

By the time I was on my own feet, I had no idea what I really wanted or needed, let alone knowing my deeper why and meaning in life. I had become reactive instead of responsive. It resulted in feeling empty, uncertain, self-doubting, and meaningless.
I went through life with emotional stress and often had tense and tight muscles and a chronic condition of IBS with no apparent medical cause. Doctors called it psychosomatic. These symptoms disappeared when I welcomed my Self Wise back and began to relax into living my own life, on my terms.

Self- wise… what a beautiful and powerful word that is when you think about it more deeply. Our very own inner wisdom, our own way, our own style, our own inner knowing, our own perception of the world, our own body telling us what we need emotionally and physically, our own truth, our own unique connection to spirituality, collective wisdom, and consciousness…

Our ´Self Wise` is intelligent and complex; I see it as an ingenious interweaving of our neurobiology, our body, our soul, our mind, and our spirit. Our ´Self Wise` awakens in the seed of our life. The moment we enter into a relationship with all layers of life in and around us. It learns to express itself through its interaction with its physical environment and the force field around it (e.g., gravity, upward forces, and pressure).

The first self-expression of our ´Self Wise` is movement.

Through movement, we learn about ourselves and the world in our first months and years, and we make our first contacts with other people and beings. Our first explorations of movement help our own ´Wise´ to learn about life. It acquires the basic sensational, emotional wisdom to set its inner compass to growth and vitality. It learns how to organize itself neurobiologically to create sustainable, thriving relationships in the complex system of cells, bones, joints, connective tissue, muscles, and organs. Neurobiology as a mirror for the system of body, soul, mind, and spirit that works together in harmony with each other, embedded in the greater environment of which it is an intrinsic part. We notice this, for example, because movement feels effortless, enjoyable, and fluid, and we feel deeply alive, connected, and energetic. We experience a felt sense of meaning in life.

The core patterns that emerge from these first explorations of movement with the force field around us and within, also form the basis for the further development of our brain, mind, emotional-social behavior, and deeper self-expression.

Without our ´Self Wise´, we lack our compass for life

Then things happen in our lives that hurt us physically or emotionally. And these experiences influence the basic layout we lay in the early years of our lives. One of those experiences is the encounter of our ´Self Wise` with society, our caregivers, and teachers. For many people, that felt like an unpleasant and ‘self-confidence undermining’ clash. The first moment we begin to doubt our ´Self Wise`.

Our society is not a nurturing place for our own Wise. Many people have already silenced their own Wise by the time they get out of elementary school.

Many of us gradually put our well-being in the hands of others who tell us how to move, think, or feel. Many people let others tell them what to do with their lives. Many people depend on others to know what is good for them. How they should answer their needs, how they should look, what is expected of them, how they should behave, and express themselves to belong and be successful by society’s standards. I was there too.

Our ´Self Wise` shows us the way to our own path, our soul’s purpose, our own way, our own signature in expression and movement, our own meaning, our own needs, and our own why.

Moving through life without our ´Self Wise´ is like sailing a boat without a rudder.

It is therefore not surprising that so many people are experiencing fear, uncertainty, and doubt. For many, the body has become a place of emptiness, discomfort, pain, and tension.
Many people feel lost within themselves, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. Being truly yourself is a difficult challenge in this society, when it should actually be completely natural.

Our ´Self Wise´ knows how to dance through life and with life; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It has the talent to perceive the world from the heart, to nurture itself with the beauty inside and outside, and to live passionately. To tap into the wisdom that our far ancestors already had about life. Wisdom about ourselves that can’t be found in books. Wisdom about ourselves that we only unlock when we start to perceive and feel life in ourselves and around us again. Wisdom about how to heal, blossom, and grow.

The wisdom that we can access again when we stop pigeonholing the body, mind, soul, and spirit and instead think in wholeness, relationship, and connection. And that connection resides in our embodied self, which is always in a lively exchange with all life and energy around it.

The body breathes our spirit and expresses our soul. And for these reasons, it is so important to come home to your body and embrace and befriend your Self Wise again.

The somatic movement adventures in my retreats will give you the space to discover yourself again, trust your own way again, and put yourself at the helm of your life. So that you can move confidently and passionated in your skin again.

Do you define your boundaries based on pain or pleasure?

Do you define your boundaries based on pain or pleasure?

A while ago, I wrote about respecting and growing your boundaries. In particular, your boundaries to yourself. These could be boundaries from your nervous system or your body to you, or the limits you impose on your body. Today I want to share something about the boundaries that are about ourselves and the window of pleasure.

Often, people become aware of their boundaries only when physical or emotional pain comes into play. Pain then becomes the measuring stick by which boundaries are defined. Boundaries formed by the fear of pain are often all-or-nothing boundaries; an on-off switch because when pain occurs, our system steps on the emergency brake or shuts down.

To feel pain, you need pain.



In Feldenkrais sessions, I find that many people, when they no longer feel their pain, immediately start looking for the pain. Their attention is, so to speak, hijacked by the pain. This leaves them in a vicious circle of pain. The thoughts, feelings, and movements are so focused on avoiding pain that it actually reinforces pain, creates more pain, and sometimes leads to chronic pain and tension patterns… An attention pattern, under the spell of pain, causes people to experience needless pain for a long time. Why?

 

Pain and the nervous system in a nutshell

If we experience pain anywhere in our body (emotional pain included), it is because pain receptors in a certain area in our body perceive a certain stimulus that can cause harm to the body. We experience this as pain. A message is sent to the central nervous system. Once the brain understands what has happened, it sends a message, to the muscles to make a movement or prevent movement so that no further damage occurs and the damage is limited. I call it a kind of protection program.

All sorts of things are also set in motion in the body to heal the pain. In addition, the pain is stored in your brain’s memory library along with the emotions, and sensations associated with this particular pain. And every time there is a similar emotion or sensation, your brain sends the protection program for this pain back to the muscles.

Besides physical pain stimuli, our ‘Something is wrong’ thoughts and anxious emotions also trigger stimuli to which the central nervous system responds with this pain-protection program.

Sometimes we keep sending stimuli to the brain with our ‘pain-oriented’ thoughts and emotions, long after the actual physical pain has healed.

This constant pain stimulation makes our nervous system over-stimulated and increasingly sensitive to pain. It can even change certain neural networks as a result. It expands the original protection program more and more and fires it more often and faster.

As a consequence, pain in one area of your body can cause long-term tension in your whole body, psyche, and mind, causing you to lose a lot of energy and bandwidth in feeling and moving. Even such traits as curiosity, flexibility, creativity, and solution-oriented thinking then often take a back seat.

This is a vicious neurobiological circle, which we can break by consciously focusing our attention differently. The beauty is that both the body and our nervous system then have much more room to tap into their self-healing capacity.

Window of tolerance or window of pleasure?

Besides focusing on what hurts, we can also turn our attention to what feels good or perhaps even pleasurable. By doing this, we again widen our bandwidth and our variety of feelings. I like to call this expanding the window of pleasure in preference to your window of tolerance. 

When we direct our attention to pleasurable sensations, we move out of fear and all fear-oriented tension patterns.
To feel pleasure, all we need is a very small pleasurable sensation somewhere in the body, even if just in your fingertip or your little toe. We find pleasurable sensations more readily by focusing on what feels easy rather than strenuous, and effortful. For example, we experience ease by moving smaller, softer, slower, and more mindful.

When you make movements with very little effort, your brain is again able to register the differences between different movement options and choose what is most efficient, pleasurable, easy, and comfortable. With these new choices, the brain can rewrite the pain protection program and create better-feeling patterns.

 

Our brain’s need for our physical antennae

Our brain’s need for our physical antennae

In this video, I talk about becoming more aware of how you use your senses – the physical antennae that monitor the physical world around you. They help regulate the nervous system and they give the brain the right information to attune itself to the here and now.

An important task for our brains, as the incoming information helps the brain create a predictable outcome to face the situations life brings us as efficiently and energy–savingly as possible.

When our brain does this successfully, we experience it as having the energy to do the things that are meaningful to us, and to have a sense of ease, peace, and joy as we move through our daily lives.

Play, play and play

Play, play and play

We find much of our ease and pleasure in play. You only have to look at small children and see how they get fully absorbed in playing, and then how they enjoy themselves. Indeed, playing helps us to be completely in the present moment, and to feel carefree and joyful for a while. When we play, our attention is not so focused on our more intense inner world.

For us adults, it would be healthy if we spent more time in our playful infant mind space, where curiosity, awe and wonder dance together. Play awakens our creativity and inventiveness. It creates space in our minds.

So why not play more? Everything in our daily lives can be ‘play’ by approaching it with a playful attitude. Our brains love it. It is a powerful nutrient for a resilient nervous system. And it gives space and relaxation in the body. Let’s talk about play…

Help your brain come home by using your visual sense, your eyes

Help your brain come home by using your visual sense, your eyes

In this video, I talk about using the visual sense as a way to regulate the nervous system and help the brain map itself into the here-and-now physical- and human environment.

Did you know that our eyes play a big role in our social engagement? In this video, I will tell you about it.

I introduce you to a few minutes of orientation in your physical environment by letting your eyes off the leash of thoughts, images, emotions, and sensations inside. And to invite your mind to be a passenger of the eyes that wander.

Renew your self-image to match who you really are?

Renew your self-image to match who you really are?

Very early on, our brains create an image of ourselves that has its roots in our earliest life experiences. Our brain uses this self-image as a kind of roadmap to predict who we should be and how we should be in relationship to our environment, and others. This self-image directs how we move, talk, think, feel, and perceive ourselves in the world. It drives our behavior and relationships, and it shapes our model of the world.

As toddlers, we learned by trial and error what was safe to feel and express in order to receive love from our caregivers. We learned to suppress certain sensations and copy certain behaviors for fear of rejection. In other words, we learn early on who, how, and what we need to be to belong and be safe.

A self-image is a complex composition of image, movement, emotion, sensation, and perception. Depending on how it sees us in the world, it forms attentional habits that then act as a filter, a kind of glasses, distorting all our perceptions, images, emotions, thoughts, and sensations. And all those perceptions, emotions, thoughts, and sensations inform our neuro-biology about what the world inside and around us is like.

So you could say that our self-image colors our inner experience and our perception of the outside world. If this keeps repeating itself, it creates patterns in our neurobiology that in turn affect our lives, relationships, and well-being.

Suppose you have a negative self-image…This can become an endlessly repeating circle that culminates in hypervigilant attention habits that revolve around what is wrong and constantly reinforce our negative experiences. Resulting in our neuro-biology running survival programs that deplete our body systems of energy. We might not feel very well in our skin all-together which in turn reinforces our negative self-image. An endless circle…

How can you create a new self-image that matches who you really are in the heart of your being?

Our body tells our story. It’s like a history book. The way she stands, sits, moves, dances, and expresses inner movement. They are all expressions of how we are in the world and how we are in relationship with ourselves, and others. They also reveal how our nervous system has organized itself based on our self-image.

Our body also knows the way out of a negative self-image. That is out of neurobiological survival patterns rooted in negative attention habits. If we only dare to trust her and entrust us to her guidance, she will show us how to write a new story. A new story through the physical senses and how she receives the environment through them.

When we put our minds in the passenger seat and enjoy the ride of the eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and skin, we experience the world as it is. A world that is not necessarily about us. It’s neutral and it helps our brains map themselves into the here and now that isn’t colored by the attentional habits of our self-image. It gives our brain an accurate world map of the moment.

Our brain has the task of mapping out a route to the next moment that is as energy-saving, enjoyable, and pleasant as possible. This means that the brain makes a prediction and a strategy to face the future, the next moment. Our biology and body systems then use this information to do their magic. You can imagine that the uncolored objective reality of our senses provides a better roadmap for that route than the colored subjective negative world map created by the self-image.

And in time with the real-time roadmap of the senses and the updated strategies of our brain, our genius system starts to form a new self-image that is rooted in the here-and-now story of how we belong and are embedded in the greater web of life.

And then the circle starts again. Attention habits form that inform our biology which in turn informs us through how we move, feel, sense, give meaning, dream, and envision. Only this time the attention habits tell us about what is, and reflect our nature back to us by what we receive from the present world around us. And those will be messages of beauty, goodness, kindness, and ease that recalibrate our inner compass to our inner sparkle, to genuine well-being, and authenticity

And to have again an inner compass that guides us to our inner sparkle, to our north star, to the essence of who we are… That is what I wish for us all.